Departure

begins at 15:00. ):

#18 How we're hopelessly in love, yet hopeless without each other...


I'm leaving today. For the Leader's Conference in Perth...
I'd rather be home with my baby :/
Just thinking about leaving makes me sad >.<
But oh well. Guess I have to get on with it.

So we're leaving with our sports teacher today.
We'll see if she's cool out of school.
She likes the music I like so maybe we'll find a jack for my ipod in the car :)

I'm going to try something tomorrow. Possibly show around 5000 people something.
If it works... It's nothing like... overly mushy...
But I just think it might show someone how special they are to me. :) <3
To let so many people know. It'd work better if they were with me though :/

I can't wait to get back,
But the thing is, last exams on Wednesday :/
I hate exams... Meh.
Not much else too talk on,



Found this a great little clip.
Sad, but good.

Signing off-
Dean.

Smile.

#17 The way you make me smile

Everybody in the whole world should watch this film at least once.

It is simply amazing!

Guaranteed to make you smile, even in the most miserable of situations.

Best short film. Ever.

Waking with that nice feeling in the pit of your stomach,

and knowing that you're in love with someone...

#16 When you get in one of your really odd, but adorable moods ^-^



I'm in such a good mood,
All smiles ^-^
99.% of that is to blame on Shannon ♥
John Butler's on my stereo, - Betterman
Nice weather,
I'm not so sure what to write about.

What do I have to do today?

1. Clean my room.
2. Pack for Perth :/

Still, not much to write about today.
Signing off,

-Kiwiboy
PS: I will win ;)

You have no say, you have no say in it all.

#15 Such a tease! (;


♫ Where did all the rights go ♫
♫ And where are all the wrongs?♫


Average day. A nice night last night (:
Added a lesson to my book.
I'll need it.
Aced my science!
Geog test is hell. still got 2 parts to do though. Kill me now?
More exams on Wednesday, and that should be the end of it.
Loving the weekend. Just deletes all the drama <3

I love you my amazing princess (:
(Whom is beautiful. I don't care if you try to deny it. LIKE this post if you agree with me)
:D

Short one today.


-Dean.

A rather nice morning xo

#14 You're adorable. Even when you're falling asleep on me.


I love you <3
Spent a very nice part of my morning talking to my beautiful :)

...which got me in a really nice mood ^-^
And school was rather good, laid back again,
Except for band, but I won't talk of that.

Right now?
Life is good.
Who am I kidding? Life is great right now.


Tomorrow? Life will be stressful.
I won't let it ruin my mood though.
Well... I'll try...


We dropped a maths class today.
Instead? My teacher started talking about STIs xD
At least it was instead of slaving over numbers for another hour -.-

This evening? Study. Essay writing. Revision.
Exams tomorrow... Scary stuff.
Debate tomorrow. Need to write that i thinks :/
Revision, for tests -__-


Oh well :)
-Dean

My girl,

#13 You obviously wear the pants. xD


Shannon <3 
*click* :3

And this, my friends, is where hipocracy breeds...

#12 The simple fact that you're English and I'm not.


O.G.B.R

Not. Fucking. Impressed. With. You.

#11 Its hard just to go a day without you.


Honestly I'm not impressed kid. You have a good head on your shoulders.

What a waste of fucking space.

Take your opportunity kid!

Bloody hell..

I had the hugest rant today with my mother about life and what I think about it.

I think she enjoyed it?

I'm gonna seriously shape up some of these kids.

I don't care. My eyes are OPEN.

I see it all...

Generation Y and I is down the gutter literally.

Can you honestly understand why I want do what I want to do

I can't stand it.

No wonder so many psyches commit...

All through my highschool years I've had better relationships 
with adults than with children.

Why?

Cause I was so much more mature...

I still am for chrissakes. and that's not an arrogant thing, its just what i am.

I'm 18 going on 48 for crying out loud.

No. This world needs a change around.

I'm starting with that school.

One.

Person.

At.

A.

Time.

I can't fix the problem.

But I can change the way things are. Little by little.

We need more minds like this.

More...

Antique Babies. (trademarked by CS)


Better note:

I love you so unbelievably much.
You don't even know how much I've missed you over just a day!
You're so lovely.
Happy to be home at last,
My princess x0


Signing off...
-Dean.

Look to the future. Oh no, don't ruin what you have!

#10 We can get through this all.

This morning I won't describe.
School was meh, till after lunch.
Timetable was swapped around,
But we played with the new sports toys and distributed them around the school and tried to buy black lights through ebay, but failed cause the wifi was being sucky. Then we randomly blew up this huge ball that our PE teacher bought for god knows what reason.
Literally, only half blown up and it STILL cant fit through the door o.o
It was alright today, weather wise.
Overcast so it wasn't too sunny.
But hot and muggy, bareable. 38 :)

Not much else to talk about.
I'll post some more on SoS tonight maybe.
streaksofsilver.blogspot.com

-Dean

I never do anything reckless. Regret.

#9 Those mischievous little hints that keep things exciting.

--> Read my "Streaks of Silver" story-in-a-blog-blog.  <--

My day was average.
Maths was absolutely terrible.
I sat there going: I. do. not. understand.
But oh well, i think it's just the teacher talking too quickly.
I think I actually do grasp the concepts. We've covered most of it before.
English. was. HILARIOUS.
Bliss (':
It was so freaking funny. My teacher had me in fits (:
We were roleplaying. Our class was on a sinking cruise ship and we were all characters.
There was one rescue boat which one person would have to row and get help.
The challenge was that we had to convince the others why we'd be the best candidate.
Some characters included:
86 year old war veteran
55 year old billionaire
62 year old Swiss doctor
41 year old homeless man
40 year old blind woman
36 year old police officer
29 year old mother with baby and
a 15 year old boy.

I got hit with the mother and baby. LOL
But the arguments were ridiculous.
We figured the blind woman would end up circling the boat and waving in the wrong direction before going even further out to sea.
The billionaire too lazy to have the strength to row all the way,
The veteran would likely have a heart attack just getting in to the row boat
The Swiss doctor cant speak english very well and should treat people on board.
The police man's already arrogant. But he's strong so maybe he should go? (i thought so.)
The homeless man is just dodgy.
The mother and baby "are too weak and aren't fit so they need to be protected."
(My argument was: "HEY! What if im one of those super fit, butch soccer mums? I'd kick your asses. AND my baby needs to be save first cause she's innocent ;D")
And the 15 year old cant follow directions or be responsible (Haha) so yeah.
I came second. :) The super butch soccer mum aha
I love my english teacher. She's amazing (;

I had an argument with two of my band members cause they were quitting simply cause they disliked the teacher, after they had gotten the WHOLE CURRICULUM changed just for them. I said just get on with it, you're doing something you like so don't complain, but anyways it doesn't matter. We'd sound better without them anyways... :/
The principle won't let them quit. Ahaha sucked in.

But yes, english was brilliant. I've just had cake for Jeneane's birthday (She's like... 10. We had visitors)
So overall my mood's lifted a hundred times more. ^_^

~Dean

All I wanna do is run away and become a homeless bum on the streets...

#8 You honestly do care about me. And I just need that little extra bit you give sometimes... :/

Honestly, I could take a homeless man's spot. He can live in my room and i'll just sit on the street in a few blankets. Seriously.
That's exactly what I feel like at the moment.
I don't feel like making someones life better.
No.
This is more selfish.
I wanna get away... from EVERYTHING...
Except you.
I wanna be with you :/
Maybe things would be better.

there's so much fucking pressure on. me. right. now.
school
friends
music
uni
mum
dad
pop
nan
people in general...

i couldn't even escape it today walking with music
it didnt even make me happy.
i was happy through most of school...
just not today.

sometimes i just wanna reach out to her for some reason...
my teacher,
show her the real me...
just ask her to listen...
society's confines sort of restrict that.

I hate my blog.
It's so negative lately.
But it has to be?
It feels that way anyways...
This is how I deal >.<
~~~




I wish I had a mango tree
In my backyard
With you standin next to me
Take the picture
From her lips I heard her say
Can I have you
Call her up oh what to say
I said you do




You mean  everything to me. Even more so right now. 

That sad look in her eyes

#7 How much I want your kisses.

So today was average.
Not too much to write about tonight really.
I survived.
On two hours sleep pretty much.
But its cool,
Tonight ill get a little less than four hours.
Oh the things I do for you xo (:
~
My health/P.E teacher looked extremely sad today and I'm not sure why.
She had a break down at the grad and it kind of looked like she was praying or something when the kid got her knee dislocated?
Either way, shes being a bit funny lately.
Wish you well.

Started up a new blog.. Been conned into writing. Even though I'm pretty horrible at stories >.<
streaksofsilver.

I also went for another walk today.
Very short one cause of time and other factors but still,
Walking with music makes me so peaceful and serene :)

I love you so much <3

Meet me at the music block for lunch? :3

Don't grow up too fast...

#6 How bloody strong you are...

i forgot.

#5 Your love for music


i forgot how good it felt.

the wind. the sky. the ground.
nature.

bring it back to me?
bring myself back to nature.

---------------------

Tell me.
Remind me.
Never to visit the pub when there is a possibility of my father being there.
Disaster.
You'll get forced to stay.
And play on strings which aren't even yours.
Rusty.
Abused.
Not mine.

Absolute Personal Intervention.

#4 How adorable you can be.


It's time for me to
Stop.
Recover.
Cleanse.
Forget.
Renew.
Awaken.

I need to take control.
Right now its pathetic...
I need some structure and boundary,
This new is in my face,
Startling so,
And I don't know why?

I need to go back to my roots.
Which means;
More time with nature again.
More focus on school.
More music.
More caring.
More seeing things.


Less negative thoughts.
Less being counterproductive.
Less procrastination.
Less sleep deprivation. (more organised time)
Less nothingness.


Back to basics to try and find the person who is missing.
Right now I'm only a shadow,
And I think I've finally found the source of all this...

Dwelling.
On all the things.
I swore not to let get me down....
Dwelling,
After how I told you,
How I thought people should focus on the best things...

This created a desperation.
And in desperation I turned to you.
And I was selfish,
And all i wanted to do is talk to you,
But I never thought about it.
So I ended up failing.
And in my failures I didn't care
Because I was blinded
By this.

Understanding.
Give me a light?

I'm sorry...
I love you so much.
Today is where I draw the line for good.
And I know you won't believe me.
"It's just like every other time."
But I'm trying.
Please don't wear too thin,
I want this just as much as you do. I'm going to fix this right. now.

Did i just literally dream up a song?

#3 Your Smile.

I think I did.
This is strange.

In the morning. And at the back of my notebook.

#2 Addictive.


I have a love hate relationship with this thing before school.
It distracts me in class,
And just you in general.
And I get this stupid grin...
And people wonder why.
My little secret.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I found this at the back of my notebook.
Among... some very troubling things...
But they're for another time. 
Another blog.

22/10/10
9pm - Period 1- Friday

(Sitting in the sunlight with Richelle. The sky is half overcast, and there's tears on the sleeve of her jumper, and glittering her eyelashes. Mine? Mine are hidden deep away, choked up in my throat.
Right now is a time of comfort. She wouldn't want me to cry. Besides, we're sitting in a nice garden and the sun is warm on my back. In any other circumstance, this place would be the most beautiful in the school.)

Its funny how things work, how right before something happens you notice a change. You just feel it.
Today when we were supposed to start tribes I knew something was different. James wasn't at school and none of the teachers had said "hi" to me this morning.
Yesterday was a cruel, eerie and prophetic torture of what was in store for us today. (Ethan's sick mind play)

Miss Haynes couldn't bring herself to do it. I knew instantly as she choked up.
The principle announced it instead.
Beverly Alves had passed.
Jack stormed out of the classroom. I wanted to follow him but i knew it was pointless. I wasn't close enough to him...
Half the class is now in a terrible state.
Richelle and I are the only seniors present and out of us, i'm the only one not crying yet...

We were sent outside with tissues after Mr. McNeil's touching speech. He cried. Beverly wasn't in any pain. She said: "Don't worry about it. Oh, lets just get on with it!"
She was grateful. Told us not to worry. Thought we were the friendliest school she'd taught.

I knew she was sick.
I could tell.
I felt it yesterday she wouldn't have long.
Yesterday she died... At 4pm.
I just hoped i would be able to see her in Hollywood before that...
I need to go to the funeral.
Maybe Miss will take me if its not in town.

I loved her "Fuck it" attitude and how she was so down to earth, lovely lady.
Her favorite move was Bad Santa. She was 59 years old.
She let jarrod have his phone in form.
Memories. Make me smile.
Her wry sense of humor.

She's at peace now. I'm not sad.
I'm grieving, but not miserable.
I'm glad she had a good attitude about it.
Everyone faces this time in life. Its her time now.
All my problems at home,
All that stress and depression?
Its gone now.
I feel a gloomy content and respect for the events of today.
This is her day, not mine.
I shall honor it, and my problems are gone.

------
Written conversation.

Not feeling any better yet? ):
Sort of... But it hurts Dean. I don't wanna go home.
I know it hurts... Stay here. We won't do anything today, we can stay here in this little place and nobody will care. You don't want to go into her classrooms do you?
No... Its like her presence is there if you know what I mean?
Wanna talk about this a little?
Umm.. I don't know. Later.

-----


Black polish chipped.
As I'm reading this.
Yours was the same
Through the wind, the rain...
Last week...

Yesterday,
Was a different day.
Yet still the same.
An eerie disposition.
As life play its game.


I knew this was coming.
I could feel it.
I could tell...
Silence is deceotion
Acceptance.
My own problems...
They have fell.

Cometh no misery
No depression yet.
A side effect perhaps?
Aware, of being prepared?


No. Never,
That never works.
Its the way I deal
Because of why it doesn't kill.

There is no way that's right to grieve
But the ones who laugh and snicker,
I'd prefer them red'rimmed eyes.
To watch them cry and writhe.

Tomorrow or maybe next week.
I'll let go of all of this.
The shadow I cradle now in my arms
Release... Release... Release...


--------


This water the gardener is pouring.
The nature and the sun surrounding?
Mother. The Earth is forgiving our sadness and woe.
Comfort.
It heals us.
It's why I prefer her over most humans...


The bird that sat on the wall and sand through the window to us in her class?
The cold running through me now,
Goosebumps.
Cleansing,
The wind cleansing and refreshing,
The warmth and heat of the sunshine.
All of it.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was my memoirs for that morning.
I dealt with paper, and I see beauty in this writing because it's such raw stuff.
I'll leave that with you.

~"The one who claims his heartlessness, is the one who is breaking hardest."~
-Dean A. I.

Home Alone

#1 You are beautiful.


So I'm home alone right now.
Chilling, been listening to a little Xavier Rudd, Muse and the slower Jet songs.
Its pretty cold but I don't mind.
I've recovered somewhat from this morning,
I was dog-sick mind you, but the worst of that is over.

I'd like to say...
I love you Saturday and Sunday. <3
But I love Shannon more :3 xo

So i ruined my dinner. I burnt the better half of it,
Which means I am no longer a half decent cook,
I am now a fail in the kitchen too. LOL

I've got so long to kill tonight,
And i'm not so sure how i'm going to do it.
Perhaps i'll start writing some and pass some time, or even sleep a little.
Short one tonight :)
Sleep well everyone~

-Dean


You see yourself as imperfect. As extremely flawed.
I see nothing but beauty. Flaw for flaw, all in all,
You are my adorable everything x

I know I'm not any good. But who cares?

So intimate :3

A transfer of the top two. Ruined it with red/colour tbh

Robots with a hope.

Spirit of the Arc.

:) xo

My awesome photography LOL :L 

Reallllyyy rough idea :)

I'm flying on a highhhh withh youuu! and you, and you ;D

Excellence of the universe, command thy wills cause i'm in an abso-fucking-lutely awesome mood.
:D
I was the only person in my grade today, and there were four people in all my classes.
Which means no stress and hardly any work ;D
Andd, my usually annoying teacher took off her shoes and played jack johnson for us while we did some laid-back note taking.
In maths we played card games with the teacher and in english we mucked around in the art room, doing dramatic monologues.
Last period we just chilled or whateveer :)

All the misery is dead.

Liking the new blog look. Liking the halloween look i had for social.
(No, i'm not gonna go goth dont worry xD)

I'm really STARVING.
I want a really good steak sandwich...

Hmm, its 7.34pm.
I have... four hours to kill.
This morning was more than interesting.
I miss you D:

What to do what to do?
Need to kill some time tbh...

If you're wondering;

My last name is an irritating russian one which means something like "God is good" or "Gift of God"
Considering Ivan the terrible shared my name in part? AHAHA. So much for name meanings...

Anyways just a heads up.
Halloween social last night was good fun. Had a heap of makeup on thanks to James/

Good night but i'm still sore, injuries and repercussions.
Had a shite day at school today, just wasn't into it,
And felt hell bad all day long cause i let someone special down
My mood kind of lifted but when I saw them when I got home :3
I've posted a lot today which is... good? I think?
I'm really tired though...
Got a dramatic monologue tomorrow, and  I can't act at all so its pretty much just a speech :/
Anyways, night everyone.
:)

-Dean

The frogs outside my window are making me anxious...

So this is amusing...

Somebody's stalking my page...
I've gotten something like 22 hits in the last few hours.
One hit on every different post.
Quite amusing tbh,
An american too?

Who be it, taking such an interest in my life i wonder?

It was just a game we played. Alas, no more :)

Little games.
With little intentions.
Little infatuations,
Little inventions...
of need
and want
and rescue
foreboding sweet detention.

We never said a word
Never admitted
The joker hint giver,
was soon omitted.
Lost a little,
But gained some more.
The games we played
In shreds...
On the floor.

A fickle pleasure.
An indulged heart.
This something more than an innocent leisure...
Or a small theatre part..

We do not wonder,
But dream aimlessly yonder
High on the feeling
Of freedom.
Dreary.
Drugged and patient and happy without sin
A cloudy instance, before the storm comes in.

And soon a step further
Brings a dangerous threat
Where love could turn to hate
Where care could easily fret
Where one wrong turn
Could spiral you down.
This test of time
Will test you and your faith...
And whether you’ll die or you’ll drown.

But come all you weary
Who have ridden this road
If you still survive and hath not lost but betrothed,
My respects to you for your claims to love is true.
My respects to you,
Carry on and say once more;
“I’m in love you.”

I've decided to sleep more. But in a more logical fashion.

We'll see what happens.
Coffee, may need to make a big comeback.
I've drunken it twice recently, it hasnt exactly re-entered my life yet
And tea doesn't do me well as i learned today >.<
Today: Bad day.
Presently: Alright mood.

There are times when words are so beautiful... But you don't cry over beauty until the words describe you perfectly.

Last Night

I think i've come across as a player to you.
Or someone whose quite experienced.
The truth is i'm not at all tbh.
I can count the number of people i've kissed on less than a whole hand.
Anyways,

Last night was interesting. A mix of highs and lows.
The dancing and music was great, and the teachers,
And the desert was lush :3
I cried twice that night.
Someones knee got dislocated.
And my sports teacher had a break down.

But oh well, definitely a memorable experience.
I can't be bothered talking much.
I'm tired, even though i was first to sleep.
I just made myself bacon and eggs :) Nom<3

I MISS YOU D:
I love you more than words can describe :3
I wanna talk to you though >.<

James Watson - Artist - triple j Unearthed - free music | new Australian music | independent music

James Watson - Artist - triple j Unearthed - free music | new Australian music | independent music

Now the games begin.

Is it worth it? Is it worth being bothered about?

This seems so childish... to vent like this.
An email would probably suffice...
But oh well.
I wish you would have a go at me, I really do. Maybe then I can figure out some things.
You know, after that slip, after we kind of argued, and I got mad at you for the first time...
The next few conversations were fine. I thought they were fine anyways.
Guess i'm just clueless.

Its not my fault.
Its not my fault i'm stealing that from you. or i was... I don't even know what that is.
I do care for you.

I don't even get it. I gave a damn once.
There's not much to give a damn about these days though. 

So I never made you happy after all then?
Well my works a waste isn't it?
I don't even know what I had to lead you on let alone how i did that.
I'm still in the dark, and your posts? I'd read over them again if i were you.
Another "Fuck you" drawn on the pavement.
"Fuck you"s piss me off.

If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world. It's impossible.
The Catcher in the Rye
Holden Caulfield in Chapter 25


Why is this world suddenly red and blazing?
Please, tell me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

My day was average. I got a lower geography score than i wished.
Oh well, who gives a damn.
As long as I keep an A grade, I'm happy.
Halloween was alright.
I spent the night dressed in black, following a bunch of minors, watching them for their parents.
Making sure they didn't get caught up with the cops.

I've got Perth tomorrow morning...
I wish mum'd just go by herself sometimes. I need to go school, and keep my grades, and by going to Perth i'll probably do badly in the exams on Friday,
Oh well. Life goes on.
Meatman is back.
Now i'm taking the piss from kids I've never even seen? LOL
Haha (; I love you.
I miss my bumble bee ;D
You'll be home soon though :3


"Be strong. Be fast. Be wise. Be beautiful...Only in the right ways.
But it's not worth it until you come to terms with value."
-Dean Alexander