I can't blame him.

I can't blame him..
The past has done this.
Sometimes we all need to vent though, right?

What is a Father?

Today, while walking down the street to grab something to cook for dinner, I saw a family. Tourists, obviously...
A father, mother and three little boys.
They were playing some game happily on the grass, a variation of football.
I watched them as I went home.
I was envious.

How lucky they were, they weren't aware...
The five of them looked so happy!
This is what a family should have looked like.
That is what a father does, plays with his kids...

What is a Father?

 A father...
Often you'll say your dad. The one who created you with your mother...
That's not a father at all.
A father can be any male influence...


A father is someone who raises you properly
Who cares and loves you
Who teaches you things, even little things like how to throw a football or how to drive
Who is actually there for you
Who isn't self-centered
Who gives his children his world, his heart
Who wants the best for you...
That is a father.

I don't have a proper one.
I have a man who is married by law to my mother. A man who is but a shadow of a father...
He used to be a father...
Still not a great dad, but at least he was one...

Camp Day One

Friday.

-Well I slept  almost all of the trip. The trip which would take me into the middle of nowhere.
No internet. No phone service. No proper showers.
I was dog tired, I had, afterall, stayed up till 3am the night before talking to the gorgeous Shann :3
I had taken the lift up with my aunt and uncle, sue and brad. We didn't talk too much, as we didn't know each other a great deal.

As we entered the site, after endless dusty red roads, I noticed a sign that said something along the lines of:

Trespassers will be prosecuted. Prospecting strictly prohibited.

I laughed. Brad seemed a little worried. When we 4WD-ed it to the camp site the adults set about parking the caravans and the kids started gathering rocks for the designated fire circle. I watched, hanging between both age groups unsure what to do. This was my first time out in the bush.
Soon the kids got bored and started breaking rocks instead of gathering them, so I decided to finish off the campfire. As I went to pick up the last rock, a huge fat centipede crawled out. Bloody hell it was fast xD
Never seen one so big either, creeped me out a little bit. I found a dead tree and dragged it to camp and some branches, to start the fire up by half five. In no time everyone had a beer in hand, in talks about first loves and the shenanigans which used to go down. Very interesting to hear indeed, coming from relatives and family friends haha.

At sunset, seven black cockatoos were flying around the place, and a little more into the night, the moon rose.
I can't even begin to describe it properly!
It was so beautiful. The moon was huge, and it rose a blazing red, extremely bright too out in the bush away from town lights. It put a good feeling to the night, and at that, I went to bed early, still exhausted from the night before.

Someone asked me about my religion and beliefs...

And this is what I replied with:

"My religion? Oh no, i don't mind talking about it at all, in fact, I'll tell it to any who want to listen,

I also love a good argument over them so yeah :P Don't be afraid to oppose me in what I say.

On a basic level, I'm fundamentally Agnostic, which means I believe that there may be or is a higher power or consciousness but it cant be proved so therefore you are aware of the possibility, but don't preach to any deity for you know it may just be pointless. 

As for my other beliefs...

Well I don't know if you've read any books like catcher in the rye (you really REALLY should read that btw)

but books like that can sometimes sum my mind up.

I believe society is completely and utterly messed up, humans are sick and destructive and disgusting.

And everyone has this illness, and illness of greed and self indulgence you succumb to every now and then

Without rules, we'd all be murderers.

But also, i'm very grounded in the fact that i believe, it is natural for us to be like this. We instinctively, are programed like it so there is no point in trying to cure an illness which is permanently ingrained in our brains. I also believe everything just happens.

Once it happens its over, it will never change, you cant go back in time, so stop mourning the past, accept tragedies and deaths and accidents. You cant change it so look to the future and try to change that.

There's no point crying over regrets...

One last point.

Blame and Fault.

There is absolutely no point in wearing the burdens of blame and fault on your shoulders. This doesn't mean you shouldn't care, but it means that you shouldn't beat yourself up over everything. It happened, therefore it is and you cant change what is written in ink. And sadly, a pen is the only tool you have when writing your life story.

Also, with things like murderers, and people who bully.

I don't believe you should be disgusted and repulsed by them. You should only pity  them, and be repelled by the human mind's possibilities.

They cant be blamed for why they are as they are. They cant control how they were brought up, or the traumas that caused them to be such as they are, I do believe however in the imprisonment of "bad" people, but only for the protection of the public. Not just for their punishment...

Anyways, thats my long explanation of my beliefs.... Sorry for the novel of a response and sorry again if its confusing but oh well, i enjoyed writing it "

Sorry guys, no posts about camp yet but you can kind of understand my reluctance to write english recounts while just into my holidays right? ;) 

Roll Along Home Again

Ok guys, so i'm back home again, and i'm going to start off by saying i had an absolutely amazingly mind-blowing time, but like... I really cant be bothered writing a novel on my trip just yet so thats going to wait :]

Roughing it

Ok, so I'm going to be leaving you guys for awhile. :/
I'm going to be driving out to the bush, more than an hour's drive from civilization, and Ill be staying out there for three or four days.
I'll bring a few books and a notebook, so i can read, and whenever i feel inspired, i'll write blog-to-be entries which ill post when i get back.
Hopefully I'll get some nice poetry done while i'm out too.
I'm hanging out for some roo stew. Hope we get to have some of that ;D
Motorbikes, gold-finding, trees, foxes, kangaroos, possibly water creeks, rabbit holes (Alice in Wonderland much?)
Red dirt, wildflowers, dusty palms, cold showers, cold nights, hot days, sunburn and mountains to climb.
Scenery to enjoy... I'll need a heap of pens to draw it if i can :o
Most of all, Peace. Four days of nothingness. Complete fullness. That probably makes no sense to you, but if you know what I mean, then good :)


No society.
No fucking drama.


The only thing i'll be missing is her....

I love you. 

I won't be able to talk to you for four days. I wish you were coming with me... :(

P.S: Dear Voldemort,
Hope all goes well for you while I'm gone. 
Be happy, and don't let those emotions rule you,
I don't want to come home and find that you've used Avada Kedavra on anyone.

So I thought I'd let you know...

that I love Shannon :3

Getting Inked

Ok so guys I've got a new picture for you I drew today at school with ballpoint ink :)

It's titled: Temptation Technology

I really like it to be honest, looks a little vector-esque and is kind of a steampunk/graffiti fusion ^.^

I should scan them though, the quality on this sucks. Too bad you cant really see its an apple. :/ Maybe later.

(Click on the pictures for bigger sizes)

I had a rather good day at school today, got out of all the boring parts and spent my time chilling with some classmates and drawing on the blackboards. Too bad I couldn't get a hold of the music room though.

I have band lesson tomorrow so hopefully i can steal and extra hour or two there.

I'm rather hungry really, and i might have to make some migoreng soon. 

DON'T look at me like that D: I know I have it all the time, but hey its addictive D:  LOL

LOL drinks are rather addictive too. They look like energy drinks and parents get concerned when in reality, they're 99% fruit juice supposedly, and taste AMAZING. xD

Just then I got home, from helping out a little at the surgery and had a run home. 

Reminds me that I really should start running or something, it'd be good for me I guess.

Oh well, haha. No nature for me today, but god my stomach is playing on my nerves.

Advice of the day:

Don't ever write a blog while hungry. You'll find yourself complaining and moaning to your viewers... :/

New Materials

So I just got home again, from dinner. I had a very nice lamb roast at Nan's place, although... She cooked a few things i'd never had before.
Brussel Sprouts and Parsnip.
It was less than pleasant...

And before that, I spent a while just relaxing out the front on the grass. It was probably the wrong time to go out, as mosquitoes were abundant pretty damn soon. It didn't matter though.
The grass, not only green, but brown and feint reds in places from flowers was comfortable, but needed to be cut. I love the smell of freshly cut grass. Isn't it just great? xD

The tree I was sitting under was rather large but half of its foilage was missing. Leaves had only just started to appear again, and the crimson flashes of brilliant red flowers were beginning to wilt.
The bright, harsh shadow loomed over me.
Summer was coming...

Winter has almost ended to my disgust. I love the cold D:
I can't stand the blazing 50c summer days. LITERALLY, last summer it reached 50c....
Oh well, I guess we can look forwards to pooling maybe... Oh wait, I don't enjoy swimming much.
Someone give me a plane ticket to England? Aha ;)

Piece of the day:

"And so the crimson globules, fiery brilliant red,

'Gainst the blinding snow, contrasts her glowing head.

With smiles and laughs she dances, and skips away half dead.

I'd love to keep her living... but ignorance is bliss..."

So this piece, I thought about today. The idea of blood against snow had been in my mind for a long time, but I never wrote about it. This is just a really quick sample of the idea :)

Oh yes, the lovely Andrea Joseph has inspired me with her drawing blog. I noticed a very interesting part of her writings/displays were of ballpoint ink shoes. I told myself, "Why not!?" and decided to get myself back into a little bit of art. Following her idea, I decided to sketch a boot, so here it is. People ask why would you ever draw a shoe? My reply to that is, "Because I can."
Here's Andrea's Blog: http://andreajoseph24.blogspot.com/ :)

Day Two

Day Two back at school, and it was as bad as it seems ;o
Sure the project is still a nuisance, but oh well, I get to learn about the lovely United Kingdom- and for good reasons! ;)
(I'm sure you know why. If not? Well you're missing out on the secret then aren't you...)
A pro of today was simply the hour of soccer we were allowed. Soccer or in proper terms, football, is just about one of the only sports I really appreciate. So that was nice :]
I really wish we'd start up a little soccer club or something though...

I'm thinking about going back into the wild again, but I'm not sure I'll get that chance today...
Perhaps tomorrow. I hope so.
I'm missing someone a whole hell of a lot at the moment to be honest. (You know who you are :3)
You know what? I'm just going to go finish my daily errands and chores, then, I'm going to go out for a while.
Im liking this whole new outdoors version of me quite a bit to be honest.
I might blog some more after tonight :)

Back to School,

After two weeks of almost no school, (Yes, I had a funeral and also, I was insanely sick. Oh joy ;D)
It's time to go back.
Ironically all of this week -the last week of term- has absolutely no structure.
Half of the high school is out on camp to Sydney and the rest of us are stuck here without work to do.
The "fun" project on tourism we are doing is just a chronic pain that's going to last a whole week.
Imagine, today I spent four hours straight in a group of people you really dislike, attempting to create a tourism brochure and travelling plan.

It's just going to be one of those weeks to be honest...
I'm currently scheming with the rest of the school band to escape a few lessons and delve into the awkward, occasionally irritating yet relieving atmosphere of the music room.
Sadly, the teacher whom I was most eager to see, and deliver an essay I'm pretty happy with, wasn't present.
Her father has passed- something stupidly tragic, especially so young.

Considering I could gain so much more from staying home,
Reading, and relaxing outside, and playing music....
Alas, I think this week is going to be a rather wasteful education.

Back to Nature,

So I've begun a blog.
I'm Dean, and I'm freshly 18, but I'm going to save you the long and average introduction.
Instead, I'll let you figure me out as I post.  ^^

Yesterday was really nice to be honest. I spent the afternoon just getting away from civilization.
Well... most of it.
I decided to get out of town so I spent an hour or two in the wild, under the old grey tree myself and friends used to always talk around. The place brought back memories, I can tell you. Before everyone split up, this was the place we'd run away to. Hours and hours were spent just relaxing under the simple structure of branches us young kids had put together and thrown a shadecloth over.
Now, most of the branches were cracked and toppled over, and the shadecloth was gone...but the place still had an air about it. The kind of eerie feeling that's hard to explain but you enjoy knowing it's there.
For a while I just listened to the birds and watched the tiny life forms which scuttled over the dirt.
I felt at peace, and considering the week I'd had, it was good.

Soon though, I moved on and made my way to the oval, wondering if anyone would be there.
I was right, kind of...
There were some younger kids mucking about in the sand pit and a young guy was practicing bowling in the cricket nets, but it was otherwise pretty quiet. I walked a quarter way through the middle and sat down.
In the grass there were various things which pointed to a party not so long ago. Probably last night.
Some vodka, old ripped clothing and a full packet of smokes.
I briefly considered smoking one, but thought better and pushed the thought away. A voice in my head spoke:
Smoking will only decrease your life span. Don't be too curious, you'll start something you didn't want in the first place.

The kids stirred a little. They were laughing and throwing sand rocks at another youngster passing by.
Aiming to miss... Just how restrained are we?
I ignored them and layed down on the grass, listening to the almost rhythmic pattern of the light bang of his ball being bowled against metal.
It wasn't long before he retired and locked up the sports shed again, driving off and making a plume of orange dust behind him.
He was peaceful, in his element with the sport, I could tell.
Eventually, growing unnerved I decided to return home.
As soon as I stepped inside I regretted it sadly. I felt ...
I don't know how exactly to explain it to you.
I felt... normal again.